I am a person who has always been afraid of being alone. Simply because I don’t really know what to do with myself when I’m alone. I can’t shut up for 2 minutes, I grew up in a house where you were never really alone for more than 2 hours and my idea of “me time” is coffee with friends. So no, being alone was definitely not “my thing”.
Four months ago I started a job in Munich. I moved to a city where I only knew two people and my work colleagues. For the first two months I did everything I could to keep myself busy, meet new people and avoid being alone more than I had to.
But now… Now I’ve changed.
I had to spend time with myself and I’ve learned to enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, I still get lonely sometimes… who wouldn’t when they come back everyday to a 12sqm room?
But I’ve learned how to be alone without feeling anxious or bored. And I don’t mean being alone while watching a movie or reading a book. No, I mean being alone and quiet, without doing anything else.
I’ve even managed to learn how to be home without opening Facebook every 5 minutes. Sure, this lesson was forced upon me by a cruel lack of Wi-fi and a really bad USB stick internet connection, but still, it’s a lesson learned.
I’ve also learned that it’s true what they say: “our time is the most valuable thing we can give other people”. Because once given, we can never get it back. But I think we sometimes forget to give ourselves the same present, either because we think we don’t have that time or because we don’t know how to enjoy it.
We need this time, because that’s when we can think about our mistakes and our accomplishments and learn from them. It’s when we can hear our thoughts, the good and the scary ones and really sort them out. It’s also when we get to know ourselves, acknowledge the things we like and don’t like about this “me” person we have to hang out with for all our lives. And we can use this to improve…
It’s when we stop running from ourselves and that’s actually when we really start moving forward.
Time with ourselves is time in which we grow.